I’m pregnant. Those words themselves are exciting yet terrifying. Holy Toledo Batman. I’m pregnant.
Ever since I got diagnosed with cancer last year, this has been what I wanted. It’s like I checked the wrong box. I want children, not cancer. I should have checked my life test. I have that bad habit of rushing thru tests when I know the answers. So I’m pregnant. Which by the way, doesn’t yet feel real even though it’s the most real thing happening to me right now. It’s the most amazing thing my body will ever do, yet I have been terrified of sharing this happy news. I have this best kept secret all to myself and to the trusted few. You know, the people who if something were to happen, heaven forbid, you would want around.
My mom can’t stand it and asks me EVERYDAY when she can tell people. Which, between you and me, she’s probably already told at least 10 people. (Insert rolling eyes). As much as I wanted to tell people, I just couldn’t. I had a few bumpy scares leading up to me finally feeling like this pregnancy was going to make it past the critical hour. I wouldn’t wish that moment on anyone. The world stops and so does your breathing. When the world starts to move again, it’s moving so fast you can’t catch your breath or stop the bleeding. The tears won’t make it alright and this helplessness takes over your body. You’re reminded again you are no longer in control. All you want is a comforting hug that says “no matter what, it will be ok”. That hug never comes and you have to wait, impatiently, until the next day to know if you’ve lost your little piece of heaven. With swollen eyes and a hopeful heart, you get to the ultrasound, where in my case, I got a happy ending. There was in fact, still a baby in my tummy.
Well, that’s not quite accurate. There were TWO babies in my tummy. WHAT?!! All of a sudden, shock and excitement comes all over you. Two babies? Wow!
This miracle. I vowed then to never take this blessing for granted and to celebrate my victory. Thank the Lord for granting me such an amazing privilege as the one he bestowed on me. I can’t wait to share my pregnancy journey with you. Especially now that I can finally talk about it! Ha!